Guys Only
Hey, we're impressed that you are here and not checking out the Girls Only page . . . just kidding. Well, sorta. We have pulled together some info to help you in your journey. I hope it helps you to see that it IS possible and there are other guys like you in this world.
Be a man. Be strong. Be courageous. Stand out from the norm.
Choose real love.
Loss of focus is a high price to pay for some sex.
A letter from a guy . . .
"Please tell people to wait to have sex, because the pleasure is not worth the pain. We were going to be different. We loved each other. We were mature. We even used birth control. She got pregnant, and now we're married, and I'm only seventeen. I'm working, trying to get my GED, be a husband, and be a father. How can I be a father? I still want to be a kid. I don't even think I love her, and now it's for the rest of my life. I sometimes wonder what God could have done with my life."1
Ok, so this guy is hurting. It is admirable that he is trying to take responsibility for his actions, but he is probably flipping burgers at BK and facing the reality that he has had to set aside his future plans and goals so he can pay for those diapers . . . tough place to be. Guys, most of you are probably starting to think some about what you might like to do with your lives. If you aren't, maybe you should start that process.
Even if you don't get a girl pregnant, focusing on having sexual relationships now can really distract you from your future plans and goals. Look around at how many guys are getting off course because they are getting wrapped up in the pursuit of immediate gratification . . . chasing boobs and the party life. Is there some pleasure in that lifestyle of going after sex now? Yes, there is. But there are also a lot of painful consequences. Remember, sex is good, but also powerful like a fire. Very few guys can stay focused on answering the key questions of "Who am I?" and "What do I want to do with my life?" while also running after sex with the girls. That is why our culture is filled with young men in their mid-twenties who haven't grown up yet, and are still living in momma's basement, with their Maxim magazine and six pack of beer, thinking they are the man because they pay for their own cell phone . . . lame!
A focused life now, young man, where you make the strong choice to postpone sex until marriage, will pay off big time for the rest of your life. A flood light can light a back yard, but a laser can cut through steel . . . focus is quite powerful! Your job now is to get focused on who you are and what you would love to do . . . then go after it!
1.Speck, Greg. Sex: It's Worth Waiting For. Chicago: Moody Press, 1989. Used with permission.
Your virginity is a gift to your future love.
Guys, believe it or not, your virginity is quite a gift. It is a symbol of strength, love, trust, faithfulness, freedom, and focus. You see, you may not think of yourself as a gift, but since most people end up getting married one day, you will be the best gift that ever walks into the life of some young lady.
You may not think you are funny enough, or cool enough, or buff enough for some girl to be interested in you, but very likely one day some girl will think you're the best. Your virginity or abstinence has to do with being a strong man. We all want to know we have what it takes to be the man, to get the job done, to win respect, and impress the girl. The culture is trying to say that to prove you're a man you have to "get some" from lots of girls. You know, be the "player" like James Bond . . . meet one girl tonight, have sex with her, then meet another tomorrow night and forget the first one. Somehow that is supposed to prove you're a man who has what it takes. Let's break that down.
What kind of man wins our respect? Do we respect someone who will lie, manipulate, and use other people to get his own needs met? In other words, his actions communicate this: "The world revolves around me, and as long as I get what I want, that is all that matters". We don't respect that in a man.
We respect a man who can be trusted, who cares about other people, who uses his strength to respect and protect young ladies rather than just use them. We respect a man who knows that true love is doing what is best for the other person, and wanting them to be all they can be in life. We respect a man who works hard, can be depended on, and provides for his wife and children.
So I challenge you, young men. Be strong men. It takes a lot of strength when every cell in your body seems to be saying, "You are so pretty, I would love to jump on you right now," but you say, "Whoa, cowboy, I am going to respect and protect my future and hers by waiting. I am going to love her mind, and her heart, and we will look forward to the sex present." That takes incredible strength, guys, and I would have so much respect for any one of you who can do that these next few years. It won't be easy because there is so much sex and pornography in your faces, but it is worth it. You have to be careful, guys, because there are a lot of girls out there who don't respect themselves too much, and they are giving themselves away pretty easily, and even pushing guys to have sex. Your future plans and future love, your True North, are too important for you to give in to that pressure. Save yourself for your future wife . . . your princess. She will be so happy you waited for her!
You can get hurt pretty badly.
Yes, most people agree that girls usually get hurt at a younger age, often because they are more emotionally tuned in and put their heart into relationships at a younger age.
But guys do have emotions and do get hurt very deeply. Far more young men commit suicide than young women, and it is almost always associated with a break-up. Often young women are able to share the hurt of rejection with female friends who will listen and try to help them. Often young men feel alone and ashamed to share their deep hurts with their buddies for fear of more rejection so they try to deal with it alone.
So let's unwrap a few ideas about the emotional pain guys are dealing with.
First of all, rejection always hurts. Rejection by a friend who has become too cool for you can hurt, but the pain of rejection by a girl you really like hurts in a much different way. If your heart becomes attached to some young lady and she dumps you and walks away with some jerk, you will hurt pretty badly. Unfortunately, some of the pain comes because guys often look to the girl to answer that question that comes from deep in the heart of a guy, "Do I have what it takes . . . to succeed? . . . To be the man? . . . To win the girl?" These are questions about our identity. So many guys tie their sense of self and success by whether they can win the girl and keep the girl with them. It is like we try to prove to the world around us, "Look, this beautiful girl by my side is the evidence that I am the man." Our culture feeds into this mindset by showing that the dude always gets the beauty. Problem is, if she is "the proof" that I have what it takes, what happens to my identity when she chooses to walk away? Do I become nothing then? Well, if I have made her my identity I guess I do have nothing at that point. So, often guys are setting themselves up for a big fall by not staying focused and becoming their own stable person before getting deeply connected to some young lady.
Another way guys are getting hurt so deeply, has to do with facing the reality that other guys have been sexual with their girl before they came along (or after). If a guy is only in a relationship to "get some" he will not hurt because the girl has been with other guys. But if he falls in love with her, everything changes. At that point, he feels like, "Whoa, this girl is amazing! Not only is she beautiful to me, but she understands me and even laughs at my dumb sense of humor . . . cool. Ok, clear away you jerks! She is mine, and now it's just me and her in our secret garden". That is a brief description of a guy in love. Now he finds out that before he came along other guys were doing her in that garden . . . PAIN! He feels like, "Why did you let that idiot in?" and "Oh, that guy too...he had his stuff in your body? How much of your heart and your memories are back there with Mr. 'First love,' the jerk?" And, "Oh yeah, by the way, where am I on your chart of sexual partners?" This pain runs so deep, and many guys feel all alone in dealing with it. True love can get past this, but it takes time and forgiveness.
Finally, the basic realities involved with getting a girl pregnant can bring a lot of emotional pain. Again, having to give up future academic and career plans can be pretty devastating. Many guys are also paying $500/month child support for a child they barely get to see. Some guys have pleaded with a girlfriend to keep a pregnancy and not abort the baby, but he has no real say in the matter if she goes ahead with it.
Pornography
Pornography is extremely addictive and destructive and it is more available now than it has ever been.
Dr. Reisman specializes in the communication effects of images on the brain, mind, and memory; fraud in the human sexuality field; and the addictive properties of sexually explicit images, commonly called pornography. She emphasized how pornography not only influences behavior but also actually alters brain chemistry, making children most vulnerable to its toxic imagery.
Thanks to the latest advances in neuroscience, we now know that emotionally arousing images imprint and alter the brain, triggering an instant, involuntary, but lasting, biochemical memory trail. This applies to so-called "soft-core" and "hard-core" pornography, which may, arguably, subvert the First Amendment by overriding the cognitive speech process.
Once our neurochemical pathways are established they are difficult or impossible to delete. Erotic images also commonly trigger the viewer's "fight or flight" sex hormones producing intense arousal states that appear to fuse the conscious state of libidinous arousal with unconscious emotions of fear, shame, anger, and hostility.
These media erotic fantasies become deeply embedded, commonly coarsening, confusing, motivating, and addicting many of those exposed.
How does this "brain sabotage" occur? Brain scientists tell us that "in 3/10 of a second a visual image passes from the eye through the brain, and whether or not one wants to, the brain is structurally changed and memories are created. We literally "grow new brain" with each visual experience.
Children and others who cannot read can instantly decode and experience images. In fact, erotic (any highly arousing) images commonly subvert left hemisphere cognition.
Appointment With Love
By: S.I. Kishor
John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose.
His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind.
In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She now lived in New York City.
He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. Soon after he was shipped overseas for service in World War II.
During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like.
When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel."
So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen. I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:
A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured.
Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her.
This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful. I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?"
The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said that if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!"
